Alternate Universe

In case you thought that all humans exist in the same plane, I have proof that teenagers actually live in an alternate universe cleverly dovetailed within our own.

Background:  15 year old son is in a back-slab cast after breaking a bone in his right hand a week earlier.  This is his second cast in a week and he has narrowly missed having to have surgery to pin the bone in question.  The follow up appointment assures us that he has another three weeks in the cast – school holidays cover two of those, luckily because he is right handed.  I am overjoyed because it is school holidays and I don’t have to scribe his assignments for him anymore because he wasn’t allowed to hold a pen.

The story – containing proof of an alternate universe dovetailed within our own – follows….

I enter the house after an exhaustive round of taking daughter to a birthday party in the city.  Son is lying on the couch with his cast off, playing playstation and eating a sandwich.

Me:  What are you doing?  Why is your cast off? (Note: I did not have an hysterical tone in my voice, but he was able to discern that I may have been somewhat displeased.)

Son:  Chill, Mama – it’s fine.

ME Me:  It’s not fine – the doctor said to leave your cast on for three weeks.  As in Leave.  It.  On!!

Son:  No she didn’t – she said I could take it off whenever I wanted to.

Me:  What the..what?

Son:  Yeah, she said just take it off and have a stretch whenever you need to.

Me:  She said keep it on and don’t use it to support anything like that plate you have resting on it.

Son:  She never said that – she only said not to make a fist like this (Son demonstrates a sloppy fist) Ow!

Me: (Quite hysterical now)  What are you doing?  That’s what she said not to do!

Son:  It’s fine – I’m not doing it all the time.

Me:  Put the cast on!

Son:  Mum, it’s good for me to give my hand a breather – that’s what she said!

Me:  What room were you even in??

Son:  The same one you were, remember?  Seriously, Mum, you’re losin’ it.

 

What worries me – am I losing it in the real universe, or am I losing it in the alternate universe?  Which one am I in now?  And is it wine time yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teen Angst

No-one really tells you that raising Teens is a physical, mental puzzle where all your resources come into play and the ones you don’t have you have to find/grow pretty bloody quick!

Being the parent of teenagers is a puzzle wrapped inside a conundrum.

You have to show you are in control, whilst knowing that you have none.

You have to make strict boundaries, and cross your fingers behind your back that they don’t break them, even if they give them a good hard push.

You have to pick your battles, turn a blind eye, and trust your gut all at the same time.

You have to stand right beside them no matter what, but you can’t be their friend.

You have to forgive..

and forgive…

and forgive…

yourself as well as your child.

You have to make sure they know you love them, even when you are shrieking at them.

Sometimes, you have to trust them even when you have very little reason to because sooner or later they will walk out of your eyesight.

You have to let them know you aren’t afraid of embarrassing them by calling the police, of calling the parents at the party, or turning up and that you mean it – even though they say they will hate you or not forgive you for doing so.

You have to not take anything they say or do personally LOL!

And you have to hold your head up high and smile at the people who judge you for your teenagers’ lifestyle/personality/judgement calls even though you may have other kids at home who are angels.

You have to find humor…and common ground…wherever and whenever you can.

And you have to keep doing it over and over again, until they get it and they grow up.

Many people think they are better at doing it than others – but often it’s the luck of the draw  When those kids of ours are out of our presence they are their own entities and despite what we may think, our rules and regulations aren’t worth the paper they’re written on when these guys are out under their own recognizance.  How many of us recall all that we did that our parents never knew about…don’t think your kids are doing anything less.

“This too will pass” and “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – they were totally made up by parents of teenagers!

A Little Tiny Perspective Goes a Long Way

During a long emotional meeting in the midst of a disastrous family crisis, the support worker who was meeting with us said that, amongst other things already suspected, our son showed signs of Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  I’m sure the cracking of a little piece of my heart breaking off was audible in the room.

The classrooms that I work in supporting children with special needs also often have children with behavioural difficulties and I had met Oppositional Defiance Disorder before in the shape of a child who could smile and argue with any teacher present – all lesson long.  He would argue about sitting down, sitting still, not talking, doing work, not doing work, what the teacher just said, how she wrote a word – in short he would argue Hot to Cold and visa versa.  Or he would sit and constantly refuse to do anything asked of him.  It was exhausting sitting in a class with him, even if you weren’t part of the negotiations.

After three hours with the support worker, this was the biggest thing that I took away home to worry privately over.  Everything else seemed to be things we could sort out – but I didn’t know how to deal with Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  What if it was so ingrained in him, that we couldn’t break the habit of it with him?  He wasn’t like the child in the classroom I sat in on.  The first word out of my son’s mouth as a baby was ‘No!’…and if I had a dollar for every single time he said it well, folks, Oprah and me – we’d be on a first name basis…it would be Oprah and Al…Al and Oprah..she would probably have stayed with me in my mansion, on my 1000 acre farm with water views and Hugh Jackman would be recovering in the guest room next to my room.  Ahem.  I’m just saying, the boy has said ‘No’ a lot in his life.  Often with a smile and an exclamation that has gotten more irritating over the years.

It hasn’t meant that we have just accepted his ‘No’s but he has always used his ‘No’ as his first line of defence and then used various tactics to wear us down.  Apathy, ignoring us, waiting us out, sleeping, disappearing…and we haven’t always given in either – but, for example, he knows I won’t cook if the kitchen is piled high with dirty dishes so he only has to wait until I go in to cook, call him a dozen times, and then I’ll do it anyway – and he doesn’t care if he goes hungry as a result.

So I went home and worried. Yeah, and probably cried a bit too because quite frankly it all seemed a little too much.

But then I got a phone call from a lady from SupportLink, who after a chat said we sounded like we had lots of supports in place and that she’d leave us be – but if we needed her we only had to call.  And I said “Maybe you can help show me how to deal with his Oppositional Defiance Disorder – I don’t know anything about it or where to start,” and bless her, she laughed.

“Honey, of course you know about it.  All kids have Oppositonal Defiance Disorder…teenagers swim in the stuff, all PEOPLE have Oppositional Defiance Disorder!”

“Uh…” I said, intelligently.

“Truly,” she said “Just last night I was about to go and make a cup of tea for my husband and myself and my husband called out and asked me when I was making him a cuppa, and I said when I was ready, I’d make him a damned cup and he could wait…and then I didn’t make one for an hour!”  she was laughing so hard, I joined in.

“See?” she said, “Don’t worry.” We cracked some jokes about PMT being ODD in full swing and then this lovely stranger hung up.

And I felt better.  What’s more I felt something that I had lost in the previous weeks…Perspective and Hope.