The Chooks speak!

Betty Blue & Edna

Betty Blue & Edna





Betty:Dennis, the Vizsla of Destruction (huh! Like four legs are capable of doing anything but!) has tagged us.  Finally, we have an opportunity to air our concerns.  Finally, we can take the opportunity to let you know, we will prevail….finally…ooop, wait, I’ve just got to lay this egg.  I’ll be back.  Edna, you take over.”

Edna: “Thanks, Betty!…has she gone?  OK, so Betty has some issues, but really, we’re fine, she’s always had a bee in her bonnet about world domination. I’ll just answer the questions Dennis sent us, and we can all just tell Betty that I said the stuff, blah, blah, buCACK!  OK?

Ten years ago, I was: Still in my previous incarnation as a 35 year old advertising executive – I know, ironic right?

What are (non-work) things on my list today?
1.  Eat
2.  Lay an egg, wait, that’s work
3.  Scratch
4.  Dust bathe
5.  Tease the rooster
6.  Run!
7.  Tease the four legs
8.  Eat

Five snacks I enjoy:
Five?  Just five?  OK, OK….
1.  Curl grubs
2.  Sunflower seeds
3.  Corn
4.  Worms
5. Toastcrustswithdinnerscrapsbitsofcerealandlumpymilkwithyogurtandhotwaterpouredoverthetop.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Put a hit on the new, young, stupid rooster before he hurts himself waving that stupid thing around.
2. Enslave the people here with mind control that actually works. Sorry, Mavis, but it just isn’t as effective as you think.

Mavis using mindcontrol

Mavis using mindcontrol

3. Develop invisible electric foxproofing security systems.
4. Put a hit on the damn cockatoos, they think they’re so smart.
5. Dust bathe in powdered milk – oh, chickadee!
6. Get that worm farm moved into the run – I don’t care what it costs!
7. Sawdust the entire place – yeah, the good stuff!

Places I’ve lived:
1. My egg.
2.  The broody house.
3. Over there.
4. Over here.

Jobs I’ve had:
1. Egg layer
2. Poo producer
3. Scratcher and mulcher
4. Recycler
5. Concubine
6. Broody hen
7. Concubine…you know what?  A chicken’s work is never done! 

Now, Betty is coming back and my egg is sticking its pointy end out, so I gotta rush.  Betty wanted me to discuss with you the conditions of your future surrender and all, but let’s not and say we did, OK?”

Edna Bigbum

Edna Bigbum

6 thoughts on “The Chooks speak!

  1. hello alyson its dennis the vizsla dog hay i think sum of yore chooks may be up to no gud i wunder if they ar conspiring with the rodents this will rekwire ferther investigashun ok bye

  2. Having lunch while reading this post. I think I liked “Where I’ve lived” the best, but the whole thing had me choking on my chicken drumstick with chuckles!

  3. Dennis, I think you’re right. They seem to whisper alot when my back is turned, and their BUCK BUCACK seems to be some kind of code….

    Ah, see, choking on your *chicken* drumstick…their dastardly plan has started already! They’re insidious, I tell you.

  4. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

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