Betty: “Dennis, the Vizsla of Destruction (huh! Like four legs are capable of doing anything but!) has tagged us. Finally, we have an opportunity to air our concerns. Finally, we can take the opportunity to let you know, we will prevail….finally…ooop, wait, I’ve just got to lay this egg. I’ll be back. Edna, you take over.”
Edna: “Thanks, Betty!…has she gone? OK, so Betty has some issues, but really, we’re fine, she’s always had a bee in her bonnet about world domination. I’ll just answer the questions Dennis sent us, and we can all just tell Betty that I said the stuff, blah, blah, buCACK! OK?
Ten years ago, I was: Still in my previous incarnation as a 35 year old advertising executive – I know, ironic right?
What are (non-work) things on my list today?
2. Lay an egg, wait, that’s work
4. Dust bathe
5. Tease the rooster
7. Tease the four legs
Five snacks I enjoy:
Five? Just five? OK, OK….
1. Curl grubs
2. Sunflower seeds
Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Put a hit on the new, young, stupid rooster before he hurts himself waving that stupid thing around.
2. Enslave the people here with mind control that actually works. Sorry, Mavis, but it just isn’t as effective as you think.
3. Develop invisible electric foxproofing security systems.
4. Put a hit on the damn cockatoos, they think they’re so smart.
5. Dust bathe in powdered milk – oh, chickadee!
6. Get that worm farm moved into the run – I don’t care what it costs!
7. Sawdust the entire place – yeah, the good stuff!
Places I’ve lived:
1. My egg.
2. The broody house.
3. Over there.
4. Over here.
Jobs I’ve had:
1. Egg layer
2. Poo producer
3. Scratcher and mulcher
6. Broody hen
7. Concubine…you know what? A chicken’s work is never done!
Now, Betty is coming back and my egg is sticking its pointy end out, so I gotta rush. Betty wanted me to discuss with you the conditions of your future surrender and all, but let’s not and say we did, OK?”