In case you thought that all humans exist in the same plane, I have proof that teenagers actually live in an alternate universe cleverly dovetailed within our own.
Background: 15 year old son is in a back-slab cast after breaking a bone in his right hand a week earlier. This is his second cast in a week and he has narrowly missed having to have surgery to pin the bone in question. The follow up appointment assures us that he has another three weeks in the cast – school holidays cover two of those, luckily because he is right handed. I am overjoyed because it is school holidays and I don’t have to scribe his assignments for him anymore because he wasn’t allowed to hold a pen.
The story – containing proof of an alternate universe dovetailed within our own – follows….
I enter the house after an exhaustive round of taking daughter to a birthday party in the city. Son is lying on the couch with his cast off, playing playstation and eating a sandwich.
Me: What are you doing? Why is your cast off? (Note: I did not have an hysterical tone in my voice, but he was able to discern that I may have been somewhat displeased.)
Son: Chill, Mama – it’s fine.
ME Me: It’s not fine – the doctor said to leave your cast on for three weeks. As in Leave. It. On!!
Son: No she didn’t – she said I could take it off whenever I wanted to.
Me: What the..what?
Son: Yeah, she said just take it off and have a stretch whenever you need to.
Me: She said keep it on and don’t use it to support anything like that plate you have resting on it.
Son: She never said that – she only said not to make a fist like this (Son demonstrates a sloppy fist) Ow!
Me: (Quite hysterical now) What are you doing? That’s what she said not to do!
Son: It’s fine – I’m not doing it all the time.
Me: Put the cast on!
Son: Mum, it’s good for me to give my hand a breather – that’s what she said!
Me: What room were you even in??
Son: The same one you were, remember? Seriously, Mum, you’re losin’ it.
What worries me – am I losing it in the real universe, or am I losing it in the alternate universe? Which one am I in now? And is it wine time yet?