It’s one and a half weeks to the school holidays and I can’t wait. Nothing has changed from the time I was a kid and school dragged time out torturously until the holidays started. Other mothers have looked at me askance for my predilection for the holidays to start. “What…you want them hanging around bugging you that they’re bored, wanting you to amuse them and eating you out of house and home?” they say to me in a number of different ways. “Ahyup!” I say to them. “Why?” they ask me, “Why? Why? Why?”
I’ll tell you why:
1. Routine completely breaks down. No waking at 6am, or getting out of bed at that hour whether one is awake or not.
2. We can have semi-legitimate pajama days, and if anyone comes around and surprises us all at home in our jarmies, we can say “We have one pajama day every school holidays,” and they never need to know that it is the third one we’ve had. In a row.
3. We have food experiments whenever it takes the mood. “Mum can we try grilling Nutella and sesame seeds on celery sticks for morning tea?”…..”Ahyup!”
4. There aren’t any (many) fights because I have a path to the clothes line that I need dug out, and if you have the energy to fight, then you have the energy to dig out Mama’s path. They don’t get bored for the same reason. I can’t wait till that path is finished!
5. I have an excuse not to worry about the housework because I can always roll my eyes to the visitors and say “Can you believe how messy the house gets when the kids are home from school?” and they say “Yes,” politely, which really just feeds my justification.
6. The kids are now totally into what they call the ‘old classic’ movies that I love. I’m talking ‘Star Wars’, ‘Empire Strikes Back’, ‘Return of the Jedi’, anything with Harrison Ford, submarines or special effects etc etc. Yeah, I know – old classics? How rude.
7. Having them out of school for two weeks, we get to break the nit cycle. Oh, come on…I know it’s distasteful, but it is a reality. It can’t be only me, can it? Can it? Bugger.
8. I can have Nana-naps.
9. Under the guise of supervising something fun for the kids we can roast many bags of marshmallows inside in front of the slow combustion fire. “Kids! Where are you, it’s time to roast marshmallows……whaddya mean you’re over it?! You guys have no staying power, toss me that bag and I’ll show you how it’s done…Kids? Kids?”
10. Who doesn’t feel better after 14 mental health days in a row? I like not having to argue over homework and assignments…it means I can just enjoy my kids as people….before they grow up, get wise to public transport and discover ways to escape my tormenting clutches.
I’m going to have to start thinking about how to drive them nuts now, or my path may never get finished!